Love and Marriage

It is a common misconception that Elven love and marriage is rarely practiced. Indeed, it has often been said that Elves do not care for love and view marriage with disgust and ridicule. The truth, however, is that the social practices of Elves allow for more freedom in relationships of romantic nature. Elves take love very seriously, but tend to be less rigid when it comes to relationships (thus often being labeled promiscuous) and have fewer moral dilemmas where temporary relationships are concerned. Elves are known to have many temporary relationships in a lifetime. Unlike humans, Elves do not see shame in having these short and passionate couplings, but instead celebrate fondness for each other- even if such lasts only a little while. Many Elves prefer to stay single and partake in such couplings. As their lifespan is very long (in fact, Elves are often said to never die of old age), they find it easier on the heart of both parties to separate peacefully and with no complicated ties when love has finished its course. This mutual acceptance allows Elves to fondly remember the pleasant memories from each pairing without pain or regret. A typical relationship may last years, decades, or sometimes a century or two, depending on the coupling in question.

And yet, sometimes two elves meet and instantly know they are connected through a soul-deep and indescribable bond. No matter what the two do, they find themselves irresistibly drawn to each other time and time again. The two Elves are labeled soul mates - spirits whose paths and destinies are entwined. Eventually, Elven soul mates may dedicate themselves to spend the rest of their lives together, honoring their relationship and bond through marriage. When two Elves marry, they do much more than simply exchange vows; they bind their spirits together. This bond is intense, intimate, and irreversible. Elves can also enact this union only once (or twice, in extremely rare cases) in their lives, and thus they are careful not to rush into commitment and are very discreet about those with whom they unite. Understandably, there are no arranged marriages in Elven society, nor is there the concept of divorce. Marriage is not something they dare play around with (as some humans do); Elves cherish marriage reverently. Many Elves go through life without joining their spirit to another, for many find no mates suitable or deserving of such an important union.

Since Elves believe in equality of genders, there are no stereotypical roles husbands and wives fall into. As such, those who are unfamiliar with the Elven culture may find the actions of the married couple quite strange. And yet, Elven marriages are harmonious; the roles played by the individual are based on need rather than on socially-dictated stereotypes. Married Elves can sense each other's strong emotions; they feel the joys and sorrows of the other, their triumphs and angers. For their significant other, Elves become truly selfless. Their lives are focused around making their loved one happy, at times to the extent of sacrificing their own life for the other's happiness. Should distance separate the two in this bond, and one pass away, the other can feel the death through the breaking of the bond. When this bond is broken, whether through betrayal (though rare, such betrayal may occur among Elves) or death of one of the pair, it is a tremendous shock to the other member of the union. Elves can die from the grief caused by such partings.

Because Elves often engage in reverie (a dream-like state during which an Elf experiences their past as if it were occurring again), the situations that attract one Elf to another are always vivid and intense. Thus, Elves seldom fall "out of love". Only the gravest of tragedies and disloyalties can tear an Elven couple apart. Though they may have disagreements (or even fights), the couple continues to love each other. Yet Elves can grow tired of a partner, even when joined spiritually and more intimately than any creature not experiencing such union could suspect. Elves re-ignite the spark of passion and love through absence. For stretches of time, one partner in an Elven marriage will live apart from the other. This practice allows both Elves to gain time for themselves so that they may grow as individuals. When the two rejoin, they shower complete love and affection upon the other. Elves also tend to spend time away from their loved one in order to make their time together more precious and meaningful. After all, there are fewer sure ways to grow bored of a person than to spend hundreds of years with them. Time alone allows the Elf to reflect upon the relationship and to obtain new experiences and life lessons to share with their mates, thus keeping the marriage fresh and vital.

Marriage is an occasion for great joy among Elves, for the union symbolizes the maintenance of the Elven race and preservation of the Elven bloodline. Creatures who dare disrupt the ceremony to kill the betrothed will feel the wrath of the Elves forevermore; Elves will hunt such marauders and their kin for eternity. The marriage ceremony itself is typically formal in setting (though can be as informal as the lovers like) and is presided over by Elven priests of Helani Celanil/Vána. The ceremony is followed by much feasting and merry-making. The priests themselves serve no purpose at the ceremony other than to be witnesses and heralds to the Valar, for it is the partners who perform the ritual and the binding vows.

When Elves of the Ancient Order decide to wed, an Amandil is asked to observe and guide the ceremony. Often, the priests of Eldamar have several wedding scripts for Elven lovers to choose from. Lovers can also choose to create their own ceremony and tailor it to their special relationship.